diff --git "a/res/twelfth_night.txt" "b/res/twelfth_night.txt" new file mode 100644--- /dev/null +++ "b/res/twelfth_night.txt" @@ -0,0 +1,4067 @@ +Twelfth Night +by William Shakespeare + + +Characters in the Play +====================== +VIOLA, a lady of Messaline shipwrecked on the coast of Illyria (later disguised as CESARIO) +OLIVIA, an Illyrian countess +MARIA, her waiting-gentlewoman +SIR TOBY BELCH, Olivia's kinsman +SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK, Sir Toby's companion +MALVOLIO, steward in Olivia's household +FOOL, Olivia's jester, named Feste +FABIAN, a gentleman in Olivia's household +ORSINO, duke (or count) of Illyria +Gentlemen serving Orsino: + VALENTINE + CURIO +SEBASTIAN, Viola's brother +ANTONIO, friend to Sebastian +CAPTAIN +PRIEST +Two OFFICERS +Lords, Sailors, Musicians, and other Attendants + + +ACT 1 +===== + +Scene 1 +======= +[Enter Orsino, Duke of Illyria, Curio, and other Lords, +with Musicians playing.] + + +ORSINO +If music be the food of love, play on. +Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, +The appetite may sicken and so die. +That strain again! It had a dying fall. +O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound +That breathes upon a bank of violets, +Stealing and giving odor. Enough; no more. +'Tis not so sweet now as it was before. +O spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou, +That, notwithstanding thy capacity +Receiveth as the sea, naught enters there, +Of what validity and pitch soe'er, +But falls into abatement and low price +Even in a minute. So full of shapes is fancy +That it alone is high fantastical. + +CURIO +Will you go hunt, my lord? + +ORSINO What, Curio? + +CURIO The hart. + +ORSINO +Why, so I do, the noblest that I have. +O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first, +Methought she purged the air of pestilence. +That instant was I turned into a hart, +And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, +E'er since pursue me. + +[Enter Valentine.] + +How now, what news from her? + +VALENTINE +So please my lord, I might not be admitted, +But from her handmaid do return this answer: +The element itself, till seven years' heat, +Shall not behold her face at ample view, +But like a cloistress she will veiled walk, +And water once a day her chamber round +With eye-offending brine--all this to season +A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh +And lasting in her sad remembrance. + +ORSINO +O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame +To pay this debt of love but to a brother, +How will she love when the rich golden shaft +Hath killed the flock of all affections else +That live in her; when liver, brain, and heart, +These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and filled +Her sweet perfections with one self king! +Away before me to sweet beds of flowers! +Love thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers. +[They exit.] + +Scene 2 +======= +[Enter Viola, a Captain, and Sailors.] + + +VIOLA What country, friends, is this? + +CAPTAIN This is Illyria, lady. + +VIOLA +And what should I do in Illyria? +My brother he is in Elysium. +Perchance he is not drowned.--What think you, +sailors? + +CAPTAIN +It is perchance that you yourself were saved. + +VIOLA +O, my poor brother! And so perchance may he be. + +CAPTAIN +True, madam. And to comfort you with chance, +Assure yourself, after our ship did split, +When you and those poor number saved with you +Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother, +Most provident in peril, bind himself +(Courage and hope both teaching him the practice) +To a strong mast that lived upon the sea, +Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back, +I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves +So long as I could see. + +VIOLA, [giving him money] For saying so, there's gold. +Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope, +Whereto thy speech serves for authority, +The like of him. Know'st thou this country? + +CAPTAIN +Ay, madam, well, for I was bred and born +Not three hours' travel from this very place. + +VIOLA Who governs here? + +CAPTAIN +A noble duke, in nature as in name. + +VIOLA What is his name? + +CAPTAIN Orsino. + +VIOLA +Orsino. I have heard my father name him. +He was a bachelor then. + +CAPTAIN +And so is now, or was so very late; +For but a month ago I went from hence, +And then 'twas fresh in murmur (as, you know, +What great ones do the less will prattle of) +That he did seek the love of fair Olivia. + +VIOLA What's she? + +CAPTAIN +A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count +That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her +In the protection of his son, her brother, +Who shortly also died, for whose dear love, +They say, she hath abjured the sight +And company of men. + +VIOLA O, that I served that lady, +And might not be delivered to the world +Till I had made mine own occasion mellow, +What my estate is. + +CAPTAIN That were hard to compass +Because she will admit no kind of suit, +No, not the Duke's. + +VIOLA +There is a fair behavior in thee, captain, +And though that nature with a beauteous wall +Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee +I will believe thou hast a mind that suits +With this thy fair and outward character. +I prithee--and I'll pay thee bounteously-- +Conceal me what I am, and be my aid +For such disguise as haply shall become +The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke. +Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him. +It may be worth thy pains, for I can sing +And speak to him in many sorts of music +That will allow me very worth his service. +What else may hap, to time I will commit. +Only shape thou thy silence to my wit. + +CAPTAIN +Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be. +When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see. + +VIOLA I thank thee. Lead me on. +[They exit.] + +Scene 3 +======= +[Enter Sir Toby and Maria.] + + +TOBY What a plague means my niece to take the death +of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to +life. + +MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier +o' nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions +to your ill hours. + +TOBY Why, let her except before excepted! + +MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the +modest limits of order. + +TOBY Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am. +These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so +be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang +themselves in their own straps! + +MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I +heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish +knight that you brought in one night here to be her +wooer. + +TOBY Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek? + +MARIA Ay, he. + +TOBY He's as tall a man as any 's in Illyria. + +MARIA What's that to th' purpose? + +TOBY Why, he has three thousand ducats a year! + +MARIA Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats. +He's a very fool and a prodigal. + +TOBY Fie that you'll say so! He plays o' th' viol-de-gamboys +and speaks three or four languages word +for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of +nature. + +MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural, for, besides +that he's a fool, he's a great quarreler, and, but that +he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath +in quarreling, 'tis thought among the prudent he +would quickly have the gift of a grave. + +TOBY By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors +that say so of him. Who are they? + +MARIA They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in +your company. + +TOBY With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to +her as long as there is a passage in my throat and +drink in Illyria. He's a coward and a coistrel that +will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' th' +toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, +for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface. + +[Enter Sir Andrew.] + + +ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch? + +TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew! + +ANDREW, [to Maria] Bless you, fair shrew. + +MARIA And you too, sir. + +TOBY Accost, Sir Andrew, accost! + +ANDREW What's that? + +TOBY My niece's chambermaid. + +ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better +acquaintance. + +MARIA My name is Mary, sir. + +ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost-- + +TOBY You mistake, knight. "Accost" is front her, board +her, woo her, assail her. + +ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in +this company. Is that the meaning of "accost"? + +MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen. [She begins to exit.] + +TOBY An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou +mightst never draw sword again. + +ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might +never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you +have fools in hand? + +MARIA Sir, I have not you by th' hand. + +ANDREW Marry, but you shall have, and here's my +hand. [He offers his hand.] + +MARIA, [taking his hand] Now sir, thought is free. I +pray you, bring your hand to th' butt'ry bar and let +it drink. + +ANDREW Wherefore, sweetheart? What's your +metaphor? + +MARIA It's dry, sir. + +ANDREW Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I +can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest? + +MARIA A dry jest, sir. + +ANDREW Are you full of them? + +MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends. Marry, +now I let go your hand, I am barren. [Maria exits.] + +TOBY O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary! When did +I see thee so put down? + +ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see +canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have +no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man +has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that +does harm to my wit. + +TOBY No question. + +ANDREW An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride +home tomorrow, Sir Toby. + +TOBY Pourquoi, my dear knight? + +ANDREW What is "pourquoi"? Do, or not do? I would I +had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in +fencing, dancing, and bearbaiting. O, had I but +followed the arts! + +TOBY Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair. + +ANDREW Why, would that have mended my hair? + +TOBY Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by +nature. + +ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does 't not? + +TOBY Excellent! It hangs like flax on a distaff, and I +hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs +and spin it off. + +ANDREW Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your +niece will not be seen, or if she be, it's four to one +she'll none of me. The Count himself here hard by +woos her. + +TOBY She'll none o' th' Count. She'll not match above +her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have +heard her swear 't. Tut, there's life in 't, man. + +ANDREW I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' th' +strangest mind i' th' world. I delight in masques +and revels sometimes altogether. + +TOBY Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight? + +ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, +under the degree of my betters, and yet I will not +compare with an old man. + +TOBY What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? + +ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper. + +TOBY And I can cut the mutton to 't. + +ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as +strong as any man in Illyria. + +TOBY Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have +these gifts a curtain before 'em? Are they like to +take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? Why dost +thou not go to church in a galliard and come home +in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would +not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. +What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues +in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy +leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard. + +ANDREW Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a +dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some +revels? + +TOBY What shall we do else? Were we not born under +Taurus? + +ANDREW Taurus? That's sides and heart. + +TOBY No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee +caper. [Sir Andrew dances.] Ha, higher! Ha, ha, +excellent! +[They exit.] + +Scene 4 +======= +[Enter Valentine, and Viola in man's attire as Cesario.] + + +VALENTINE If the Duke continue these favors towards +you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced. He +hath known you but three days, and already you +are no stranger. + +VIOLA You either fear his humor or my negligence, that +you call in question the continuance of his love. Is +he inconstant, sir, in his favors? + +VALENTINE No, believe me. + +VIOLA I thank you. + +[Enter Orsino, Curio, and Attendants.] + +Here comes the Count. + +ORSINO Who saw Cesario, ho? + +VIOLA On your attendance, my lord, here. + +ORSINO, [to Curio and Attendants] +Stand you awhile aloof.--Cesario, +Thou know'st no less but all. I have unclasped +To thee the book even of my secret soul. +Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her. +Be not denied access. Stand at her doors +And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow +Till thou have audience. + +VIOLA Sure, my noble lord, +If she be so abandoned to her sorrow +As it is spoke, she never will admit me. + +ORSINO +Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds +Rather than make unprofited return. + +VIOLA +Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then? + +ORSINO +O, then unfold the passion of my love. +Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith. +It shall become thee well to act my woes. +She will attend it better in thy youth +Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect. + +VIOLA +I think not so, my lord. + +ORSINO Dear lad, believe it; +For they shall yet belie thy happy years +That say thou art a man. Diana's lip +Is not more smooth and rubious, thy small pipe +Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound, +And all is semblative a womans part. +I know thy constellation is right apt +For this affair.--Some four or five attend him, +All, if you will, for I myself am best +When least in company.--Prosper well in this +And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, +To call his fortunes thine. + +VIOLA I'll do my best +To woo your lady. [Aside.] Yet a barful strife! +Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife. +[They exit.] + +Scene 5 +======= +[Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool.] + + +MARIA Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I +will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter +in way of thy excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy +absence. + +FOOL Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this +world needs to fear no colors. + +MARIA Make that good. + +FOOL He shall see none to fear. + +MARIA A good Lenten answer. I can tell thee where +that saying was born, of "I fear no colors." + +FOOL Where, good Mistress Mary? + +MARIA In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in +your foolery. + +FOOL Well, God give them wisdom that have it, and +those that are Fools, let them use their talents. + +MARIA Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent. +Or to be turned away, is not that as good as a +hanging to you? + +FOOL Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage, +and, for turning away, let summer bear it out. + +MARIA You are resolute, then? + +FOOL Not so, neither, but I am resolved on two points. + +MARIA That if one break, the other will hold, or if both +break, your gaskins fall. + +FOOL Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir +Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a +piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria. + +MARIA Peace, you rogue. No more o' that. Here comes +my lady. Make your excuse wisely, you were best. +[She exits.] + +[Enter Lady Olivia with Malvolio and Attendants.] + + +FOOL, [aside] Wit, an 't be thy will, put me into good +fooling! Those wits that think they have thee do very +oft prove fools, and I that am sure I lack thee may +pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus? +"Better a witty Fool than a foolish wit."--God bless +thee, lady! + +OLIVIA Take the Fool away. + +FOOL Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the Lady. + +OLIVIA Go to, you're a dry Fool. I'll no more of you. +Besides, you grow dishonest. + +FOOL Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel +will amend. For give the dry Fool drink, then is +the Fool not dry. Bid the dishonest man mend +himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he +cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything that's +mended is but patched; virtue that transgresses is +but patched with sin, and sin that amends is but +patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism +will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is +no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower. +The Lady bade take away the Fool. Therefore, I say +again, take her away. + +OLIVIA Sir, I bade them take away you. + +FOOL Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus +non facit monachum. That's as much to say as, I +wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give +me leave to prove you a fool. + +OLIVIA Can you do it? + +FOOL Dexteriously, good madonna. + +OLIVIA Make your proof. + +FOOL I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my +mouse of virtue, answer me. + +OLIVIA Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide +your proof. + +FOOL Good madonna, why mourn'st thou? + +OLIVIA Good Fool, for my brother's death. + +FOOL I think his soul is in hell, madonna. + +OLIVIA I know his soul is in heaven, Fool. + +FOOL The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your +brother's soul, being in heaven. Take away the fool, +gentlemen. + +OLIVIA What think you of this Fool, Malvolio? Doth he +not mend? + +MALVOLIO Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death +shake him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth +ever make the better Fool. + +FOOL God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the +better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn +that I am no fox, but he will not pass his word for +twopence that you are no fool. + +OLIVIA How say you to that, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO I marvel your Ladyship takes delight in +such a barren rascal. I saw him put down the other +day with an ordinary fool that has no more brain +than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard +already. Unless you laugh and minister occasion to +him, he is gagged. I protest I take these wise men +that crow so at these set kind of Fools no better than +the Fools' zanies. + +OLIVIA O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste +with a distempered appetite. To be generous, guiltless, +and of free disposition is to take those things +for bird-bolts that you deem cannon bullets. There +is no slander in an allowed Fool, though he do +nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet +man, though he do nothing but reprove. + +FOOL Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou +speak'st well of Fools! + +[Enter Maria.] + + +MARIA Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman +much desires to speak with you. + +OLIVIA From the Count Orsino, is it? + +MARIA I know not, madam. 'Tis a fair young man, and +well attended. + +OLIVIA Who of my people hold him in delay? + +MARIA Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman. + +OLIVIA Fetch him off, I pray you. He speaks nothing +but madman. Fie on him! [Maria exits.] Go you, +Malvolio. If it be a suit from the Count, I am sick, +or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. [(Malvolio +exits.)] Now you see, sir, how your fooling +grows old, and people dislike it. + +FOOL Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest +son should be a Fool, whose skull Jove cram with +brains, for--here he comes--one of thy kin has a +most weak pia mater. + +[Enter Sir Toby.] + + +OLIVIA By mine honor, half drunk!--What is he at the +gate, cousin? + +TOBY A gentleman. + +OLIVIA A gentleman? What gentleman? + +TOBY 'Tis a gentleman here--a plague o' these pickle +herring!--How now, sot? + +FOOL Good Sir Toby. + +OLIVIA Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by +this lethargy? + +TOBY Lechery? I defy lechery. There's one at the gate. + +OLIVIA Ay, marry, what is he? + +TOBY Let him be the devil an he will, I care not. Give +me faith, say I. Well, it's all one. [He exits.] + +OLIVIA What's a drunken man like, Fool? + +FOOL Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman. One +draught above heat makes him a fool, the second +mads him, and a third drowns him. + +OLIVIA Go thou and seek the crowner and let him sit o' +my coz, for he's in the third degree of drink: he's +drowned. Go look after him. + +FOOL He is but mad yet, madonna, and the Fool shall +look to the madman. [He exits.] + +[Enter Malvolio.] + + +MALVOLIO Madam, yond young fellow swears he will +speak with you. I told him you were sick; he takes +on him to understand so much, and therefore +comes to speak with you. I told him you were +asleep; he seems to have a foreknowledge of that +too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is +to be said to him, lady? He's fortified against any +denial. + +OLIVIA Tell him he shall not speak with me. + +MALVOLIO Has been told so, and he says he'll stand at +your door like a sheriff's post and be the supporter +to a bench, but he'll speak with you. + +OLIVIA What kind o' man is he? + +MALVOLIO Why, of mankind. + +OLIVIA What manner of man? + +MALVOLIO Of very ill manner. He'll speak with you, +will you or no. + +OLIVIA Of what personage and years is he? + +MALVOLIO Not yet old enough for a man, nor young +enough for a boy--as a squash is before 'tis a +peascod, or a codling when 'tis almost an apple. 'Tis +with him in standing water, between boy and man. +He is very well-favored, and he speaks very shrewishly. +One would think his mother's milk were +scarce out of him. + +OLIVIA +Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman. + +MALVOLIO Gentlewoman, my lady calls. [He exits.] + +[Enter Maria.] + + +OLIVIA +Give me my veil. Come, throw it o'er my face. +[Olivia veils.] +We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy. + +[Enter Viola.] + + +VIOLA The honorable lady of the house, which is she? + +OLIVIA Speak to me. I shall answer for her. Your will? + +VIOLA Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable +beauty--I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the +house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast +away my speech, for, besides that it is excellently +well penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good +beauties, let me sustain no scorn. I am very comptible +even to the least sinister usage. + +OLIVIA Whence came you, sir? + +VIOLA I can say little more than I have studied, and +that question's out of my part. Good gentle one, +give me modest assurance if you be the lady of the +house, that I may proceed in my speech. + +OLIVIA Are you a comedian? + +VIOLA No, my profound heart. And yet by the very +fangs of malice I swear I am not that I play. Are +you the lady of the house? + +OLIVIA If I do not usurp myself, I am. + +VIOLA Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp +yourself, for what is yours to bestow is not yours to +reserve. But this is from my commission. I will on +with my speech in your praise and then show you +the heart of my message. + +OLIVIA Come to what is important in 't. I forgive you +the praise. + +VIOLA Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis +poetical. + +OLIVIA It is the more like to be feigned. I pray you, +keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates, and +allowed your approach rather to wonder at you than +to hear you. If you be not mad, begone; if you have +reason, be brief. 'Tis not that time of moon with me +to make one in so skipping a dialogue. + +MARIA Will you hoist sail, sir? Here lies your way. + +VIOLA No, good swabber, I am to hull here a little +longer.--Some mollification for your giant, sweet +lady. + +OLIVIA Tell me your mind. + +VIOLA I am a messenger. + +OLIVIA Sure you have some hideous matter to deliver +when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your +office. + +VIOLA It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture +of war, no taxation of homage. I hold the olive in +my hand. My words are as full of peace as matter. + +OLIVIA Yet you began rudely. What are you? What +would you? + +VIOLA The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I +learned from my entertainment. What I am and +what I would are as secret as maidenhead: to your +ears, divinity; to any other's, profanation. + +OLIVIA Give us the place alone. We will hear this +divinity. [Maria and Attendants exit.] Now, sir, what +is your text? + +VIOLA Most sweet lady-- + +OLIVIA A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said +of it. Where lies your text? + +VIOLA In Orsino's bosom. + +OLIVIA In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom? + +VIOLA To answer by the method, in the first of his heart. + +OLIVIA O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more +to say? + +VIOLA Good madam, let me see your face. + +OLIVIA Have you any commission from your lord to +negotiate with my face? You are now out of your +text. But we will draw the curtain and show you the +picture. [She removes her veil.] Look you, sir, such a +one I was this present. Is 't not well done? + +VIOLA Excellently done, if God did all. + +OLIVIA 'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and +weather. + +VIOLA +'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white +Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on. +Lady, you are the cruel'st she alive +If you will lead these graces to the grave +And leave the world no copy. + +OLIVIA O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted! I will give +out divers schedules of my beauty. It shall be +inventoried and every particle and utensil labeled +to my will: as, item, two lips indifferent red; item, +two gray eyes with lids to them; item, one neck, one +chin, and so forth. Were you sent hither to praise +me? + +VIOLA +I see you what you are. You are too proud. +But if you were the devil you are fair. +My lord and master loves you. O, such love +Could be but recompensed though you were +crowned +The nonpareil of beauty. + +OLIVIA How does he love me? + +VIOLA With adorations, fertile tears, +With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire. + +OLIVIA +Your lord does know my mind. I cannot love him. +Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble, +Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth; +In voices well divulged, free, learned, and valiant, +And in dimension and the shape of nature +A gracious person. But yet I cannot love him. +He might have took his answer long ago. + +VIOLA +If I did love you in my master's flame, +With such a suff'ring, such a deadly life, +In your denial I would find no sense. +I would not understand it. + +OLIVIA Why, what would you? + +VIOLA +Make me a willow cabin at your gate +And call upon my soul within the house, +Write loyal cantons of contemned love +And sing them loud even in the dead of night, +Hallow your name to the reverberate hills +And make the babbling gossip of the air +Cry out "Olivia!" O, you should not rest +Between the elements of air and earth +But you should pity me. + +OLIVIA You might do much. +What is your parentage? + +VIOLA +Above my fortunes, yet my state is well. +I am a gentleman. + +OLIVIA Get you to your lord. +I cannot love him. Let him send no more-- +Unless perchance you come to me again +To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well. +I thank you for your pains. Spend this for me. +[She offers money.] + +VIOLA +I am no fee'd post, lady. Keep your purse. +My master, not myself, lacks recompense. +Love make his heart of flint that you shall love, +And let your fervor, like my master's, be +Placed in contempt. Farewell, fair cruelty. [She exits.] + +OLIVIA "What is your parentage?" +"Above my fortunes, yet my state is well. +I am a gentleman." I'll be sworn thou art. +Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit +Do give thee fivefold blazon. Not too fast! Soft, +soft! +Unless the master were the man. How now? +Even so quickly may one catch the plague? +Methinks I feel this youth's perfections +With an invisible and subtle stealth +To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.-- +What ho, Malvolio! + +[Enter Malvolio.] + + +MALVOLIO Here, madam, at your service. + +OLIVIA +Run after that same peevish messenger, +The County's man. He left this ring behind him, +Would I or not. Tell him I'll none of it. +[She hands him a ring.] +Desire him not to flatter with his lord, +Nor hold him up with hopes. I am not for him. +If that the youth will come this way tomorrow, +I'll give him reasons for 't. Hie thee, Malvolio. + +MALVOLIO Madam, I will. [He exits.] + +OLIVIA +I do I know not what, and fear to find +Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind. +Fate, show thy force. Ourselves we do not owe. +What is decreed must be, and be this so. +[She exits.] + + +ACT 2 +===== + +Scene 1 +======= +[Enter Antonio and Sebastian.] + + +ANTONIO Will you stay no longer? Nor will you not that +I go with you? + +SEBASTIAN By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly +over me. The malignancy of my fate might perhaps +distemper yours. Therefore I shall crave of you your +leave that I may bear my evils alone. It were a bad +recompense for your love to lay any of them on you. + +ANTONIO Let me yet know of you whither you are +bound. + +SEBASTIAN No, sooth, sir. My determinate voyage is +mere extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent +a touch of modesty that you will not extort +from me what I am willing to keep in. Therefore it +charges me in manners the rather to express myself. +You must know of me, then, Antonio, my name +is Sebastian, which I called Roderigo. My father was +that Sebastian of Messaline whom I know you have +heard of. He left behind him myself and a sister, +both born in an hour. If the heavens had been +pleased, would we had so ended! But you, sir, +altered that, for some hour before you took me +from the breach of the sea was my sister drowned. + +ANTONIO Alas the day! + +SEBASTIAN A lady, sir, though it was said she much +resembled me, was yet of many accounted beautiful. +But though I could not with such estimable +wonder overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly +publish her: she bore a mind that envy could not but +call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt water, +though I seem to drown her remembrance again +with more. + +ANTONIO Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment. + +SEBASTIAN O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble. + +ANTONIO If you will not murder me for my love, let me +be your servant. + +SEBASTIAN If you will not undo what you have done-- +that is, kill him whom you have recovered--desire +it not. Fare you well at once. My bosom is full of +kindness, and I am yet so near the manners of my +mother that, upon the least occasion more, mine +eyes will tell tales of me. I am bound to the Count +Orsino's court. Farewell. [He exits.] + +ANTONIO +The gentleness of all the gods go with thee! +I have many enemies in Orsino's court, +Else would I very shortly see thee there. +But come what may, I do adore thee so +That danger shall seem sport, and I will go. +[He exits.] + +Scene 2 +======= +[Enter Viola and Malvolio, at several doors.] + + +MALVOLIO Were not you even now with the Countess +Olivia? + +VIOLA Even now, sir. On a moderate pace I have since +arrived but hither. + +MALVOLIO She returns this ring to you, sir. You might +have saved me my pains to have taken it away +yourself. She adds, moreover, that you should put +your lord into a desperate assurance she will none +of him. And one thing more, that you be never so +hardy to come again in his affairs unless it be to +report your lord's taking of this. Receive it so. + +VIOLA She took the ring of me. I'll none of it. + +MALVOLIO Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her, and +her will is it should be so returned. [He throws +down the ring.] If it be worth stooping for, there it +lies in your eye; if not, be it his that finds it. +[He exits.] + +VIOLA +I left no ring with her. What means this lady? +[She picks up the ring.] +Fortune forbid my outside have not charmed her! +She made good view of me, indeed so much +That methought her eyes had lost her tongue, +For she did speak in starts distractedly. +She loves me, sure! The cunning of her passion +Invites me in this churlish messenger. +None of my lord's ring? Why, he sent her none! +I am the man. If it be so, as 'tis, +Poor lady, she were better love a dream. +Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness +Wherein the pregnant enemy does much. +How easy is it for the proper false +In women's waxen hearts to set their forms! +Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we, +For such as we are made of, such we be. +How will this fadge? My master loves her dearly, +And I, poor monster, fond as much on him, +And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me. +What will become of this? As I am man, +My state is desperate for my master's love. +As I am woman (now, alas the day!), +What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe! +O Time, thou must untangle this, not I. +It is too hard a knot for me t' untie. +[She exits.] + +Scene 3 +======= +[Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.] + + +TOBY Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after +midnight is to be up betimes, and "diluculo surgere," +thou know'st-- + +ANDREW Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to +be up late is to be up late. + +TOBY A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To +be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early, +so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed +betimes. Does not our lives consist of the four +elements? + +ANDREW Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists +of eating and drinking. + +TOBY Thou 'rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and +drink. Marian, I say, a stoup of wine! + +[Enter Feste, the Fool.] + + +ANDREW Here comes the Fool, i' faith. + +FOOL How now, my hearts? Did you never see the +picture of "We Three"? + +TOBY Welcome, ass! Now let's have a catch. + +ANDREW By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast. +I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, +and so sweet a breath to sing, as the Fool has.--In +sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night +when thou spok'st of Pigrogromitus of the Vapians +passing the equinoctial of Queubus. 'Twas very +good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman. +Hadst it? + +FOOL I did impeticos thy gratillity, for Malvolio's nose +is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the +Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses. + +ANDREW Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when +all is done. Now, a song! + +TOBY, [giving money to the Fool] Come on, there is +sixpence for you. Let's have a song. + +ANDREW, [giving money to the Fool] There's a testril of +me, too. If one knight give a-- + +FOOL Would you have a love song or a song of good +life? + +TOBY A love song, a love song. + +ANDREW Ay, ay, I care not for good life. + +FOOL [sings] + O mistress mine, where are you roaming? + O, stay and hear! Your truelove's coming, + That can sing both high and low. + Trip no further, pretty sweeting. + Journeys end in lovers meeting, + Every wise man's son doth know. + +ANDREW Excellent good, i' faith! + +TOBY Good, good. + +FOOL [sings] + What is love? 'Tis not hereafter. + Present mirth hath present laughter. + What's to come is still unsure. + In delay there lies no plenty, + Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty. + Youth's a stuff will not endure. + +ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight. + +TOBY A contagious breath. + +ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i' faith. + +TOBY To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. +But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall +we rouse the night owl in a catch that will draw +three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that? + +ANDREW An you love me, let's do 't. I am dog at a +catch. + +FOOL By 'r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. + +ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be "Thou +Knave." + +FOOL "Hold thy peace, thou knave," knight? I shall be +constrained in 't to call thee "knave," knight. + +ANDREW 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one +to call me "knave." Begin, Fool. It begins "Hold +thy peace." + +FOOL I shall never begin if I hold my peace. + +ANDREW Good, i' faith. Come, begin. [Catch sung.] + +[Enter Maria.] + + +MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my +lady have not called up her steward Malvolio and +bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me. + +TOBY My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's +a Peg-a-Ramsey, and [Sings.] Three merry men be +we. Am not I consanguineous? Am I not of her +blood? Tillyvally! "Lady"! [Sings.] There dwelt a man +in Babylon, lady, lady. + +FOOL Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling. + +ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, +and so do I, too. He does it with a better grace, but +I do it more natural. + +TOBY [sings] O' the twelfth day of December-- + +MARIA For the love o' God, peace! + +[Enter Malvolio.] + + +MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? +Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty but to +gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do you +make an ale-house of my lady's house, that you +squeak out your coziers' catches without any mitigation +or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of +place, persons, nor time in you? + +TOBY We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up! + +MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady +bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her +kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If +you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, +you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would +please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to +bid you farewell. + +TOBY [sings] +Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone. + +MARIA Nay, good Sir Toby. + +FOOL [sings] +His eyes do show his days are almost done. + +MALVOLIO Is 't even so? + +TOBY [sings] +But I will never die. + +FOOL [sings] +Sir Toby, there you lie. + +MALVOLIO This is much credit to you. + +TOBY [sings] +Shall I bid him go? + +FOOL [sings] +What an if you do? + +TOBY [sings] +Shall I bid him go, and spare not? + +FOOL [sings] +O no, no, no, no, you dare not. + +TOBY Out o' tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a +steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, +there shall be no more cakes and ale? + +FOOL Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' th' +mouth, too. + +TOBY Thou 'rt i' th' right.--Go, sir, rub your chain +with crumbs.--A stoup of wine, Maria! + +MALVOLIO Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favor +at anything more than contempt, you would not give +means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by +this hand. [He exits.] + +MARIA Go shake your ears! + +ANDREW 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a +man's a-hungry, to challenge him the field and +then to break promise with him and make a fool of +him. + +TOBY Do 't, knight. I'll write thee a challenge. Or I'll +deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. + +MARIA Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the +youth of the Count's was today with my lady, she is +much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me +alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword +and make him a common recreation, do not think I +have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I +can do it. + +TOBY Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him. + +MARIA Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan. + +ANDREW O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog! + +TOBY What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason, +dear knight? + +ANDREW I have no exquisite reason for 't, but I have +reason good enough. + +MARIA The devil a puritan that he is, or anything +constantly but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass +that cons state without book and utters it by great +swaths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed, +as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is his grounds +of faith that all that look on him love him. And on +that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause +to work. + +TOBY What wilt thou do? + +MARIA I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of +love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of +his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his +eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself +most feelingly personated. I can write very like my +lady your niece; on a forgotten matter, we can +hardly make distinction of our hands. + +TOBY Excellent! I smell a device. + +ANDREW I have 't in my nose, too. + +TOBY He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, +that they come from my niece, and that she's in +love with him. + +MARIA My purpose is indeed a horse of that color. + +ANDREW And your horse now would make him an ass. + +MARIA Ass, I doubt not. + +ANDREW O, 'twill be admirable! + +MARIA Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic +will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the +Fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. +Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, +and dream on the event. Farewell. + +TOBY Good night, Penthesilea. [She exits.] + +ANDREW Before me, she's a good wench. + +TOBY She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores +me. What o' that? + +ANDREW I was adored once, too. + +TOBY Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for +more money. + +ANDREW If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way +out. + +TOBY Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i' +th' end, call me "Cut." + +ANDREW If I do not, never trust me, take it how you +will. + +TOBY Come, come, I'll go burn some sack. 'Tis too +late to go to bed now. Come, knight; come, knight. +[They exit.] + +Scene 4 +======= +[Enter Orsino, Viola, Curio, and others.] + + +ORSINO +Give me some music. [Music plays.] Now, good +morrow, friends.-- +Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song, +That old and antique song we heard last night. +Methought it did relieve my passion much, +More than light airs and recollected terms +Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times. +Come, but one verse. + +CURIO He is not here, so please your Lordship, that +should sing it. + +ORSINO Who was it? + +CURIO Feste the jester, my lord, a Fool that the Lady +Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about +the house. + +ORSINO +Seek him out [Curio exits,] and play the tune the +while. [Music plays.] +[To Viola.] Come hither, boy. If ever thou shalt love, +In the sweet pangs of it remember me, +For such as I am, all true lovers are, +Unstaid and skittish in all motions else +Save in the constant image of the creature +That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune? + +VIOLA +It gives a very echo to the seat +Where love is throned. + +ORSINO Thou dost speak masterly. +My life upon 't, young though thou art, thine eye +Hath stayed upon some favor that it loves. +Hath it not, boy? + +VIOLA A little, by your favor. + +ORSINO +What kind of woman is 't? + +VIOLA Of your complexion. + +ORSINO +She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith? + +VIOLA About your years, my lord. + +ORSINO +Too old, by heaven. Let still the woman take +An elder than herself. So wears she to him; +So sways she level in her husband's heart. +For, boy, however we do praise ourselves, +Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm, +More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn, +Than women's are. + +VIOLA I think it well, my lord. + +ORSINO +Then let thy love be younger than thyself, +Or thy affection cannot hold the bent. +For women are as roses, whose fair flower, +Being once displayed, doth fall that very hour. + +VIOLA +And so they are. Alas, that they are so, +To die even when they to perfection grow! + +[Enter Curio and Feste, the Fool.] + + +ORSINO +O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.-- +Mark it, Cesario. It is old and plain; +The spinsters and the knitters in the sun +And the free maids that weave their thread with +bones +Do use to chant it. It is silly sooth, +And dallies with the innocence of love +Like the old age. + +FOOL Are you ready, sir? + +ORSINO Ay, prithee, sing. [Music.] +The Song. + +FOOL + Come away, come away, death, + And in sad cypress let me be laid. + Fly away, fly away, breath, + I am slain by a fair cruel maid. + My shroud of white, stuck all with yew, + O, prepare it! + My part of death, no one so true + Did share it. + + Not a flower, not a flower sweet + On my black coffin let there be strown; + Not a friend, not a friend greet + My poor corpse where my bones shall be thrown. + A thousand thousand sighs to save, + Lay me, O, where + Sad true lover never find my grave + To weep there. + +ORSINO, [giving money] There's for thy pains. + +FOOL No pains, sir. I take pleasure in singing, sir. + +ORSINO I'll pay thy pleasure, then. + +FOOL Truly sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or +another. + +ORSINO Give me now leave to leave thee. + +FOOL Now the melancholy god protect thee and the +tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for thy +mind is a very opal. I would have men of such +constancy put to sea, that their business might be +everything and their intent everywhere, for that's it +that always makes a good voyage of nothing. +Farewell. [He exits.] + +ORSINO +Let all the rest give place. +[All but Orsino and Viola exit.] +Once more, Cesario, +Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty. +Tell her my love, more noble than the world, +Prizes not quantity of dirty lands. +The parts that Fortune hath bestowed upon her, +Tell her, I hold as giddily as Fortune. +But 'tis that miracle and queen of gems +That nature pranks her in attracts my soul. + +VIOLA But if she cannot love you, sir-- + +ORSINO +I cannot be so answered. + +VIOLA Sooth, but you must. +Say that some lady, as perhaps there is, +Hath for your love as great a pang of heart +As you have for Olivia. You cannot love her; +You tell her so. Must she not then be answered? + +ORSINO There is no woman's sides +Can bide the beating of so strong a passion +As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart +So big, to hold so much; they lack retention. +Alas, their love may be called appetite, +No motion of the liver but the palate, +That suffer surfeit, cloyment, and revolt; +But mine is all as hungry as the sea, +And can digest as much. Make no compare +Between that love a woman can bear me +And that I owe Olivia. + +VIOLA Ay, but I know-- + +ORSINO What dost thou know? + +VIOLA +Too well what love women to men may owe. +In faith, they are as true of heart as we. +My father had a daughter loved a man +As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman, +I should your Lordship. + +ORSINO And what's her history? + +VIOLA +A blank, my lord. She never told her love, +But let concealment, like a worm i' th' bud, +Feed on her damask cheek. She pined in thought, +And with a green and yellow melancholy +She sat like Patience on a monument, +Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed? +We men may say more, swear more, but indeed +Our shows are more than will; for still we prove +Much in our vows but little in our love. + +ORSINO +But died thy sister of her love, my boy? + +VIOLA +I am all the daughters of my father's house, +And all the brothers, too--and yet I know not. +Sir, shall I to this lady? + +ORSINO Ay, that's the theme. +To her in haste. Give her this jewel. Say +My love can give no place, bide no denay. +[He hands her a jewel and they exit.] + +Scene 5 +======= +[Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.] + + +TOBY Come thy ways, Signior Fabian. + +FABIAN Nay, I'll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport, +let me be boiled to death with melancholy. + +TOBY Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly +rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame? + +FABIAN I would exult, man. You know he brought me +out o' favor with my lady about a bearbaiting here. + +TOBY To anger him, we'll have the bear again, and we +will fool him black and blue, shall we not, Sir +Andrew? + +ANDREW An we do not, it is pity of our lives. + +[Enter Maria.] + + +TOBY Here comes the little villain.--How now, my +metal of India? + +MARIA Get you all three into the boxtree. Malvolio's +coming down this walk. He has been yonder i' the +sun practicing behavior to his own shadow this half +hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I +know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of +him. Close, in the name of jesting! [They hide.] Lie +thou there [putting down the letter,] for here comes +the trout that must be caught with tickling. +[She exits.] + +[Enter Malvolio.] + + +MALVOLIO 'Tis but fortune, all is fortune. Maria once +told me she did affect me, and I have heard herself +come thus near, that should she fancy, it should be +one of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a +more exalted respect than anyone else that follows +her. What should I think on 't? + +TOBY, [aside] Here's an overweening rogue. + +FABIAN, [aside] O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare +turkeycock of him. How he jets under his advanced +plumes! + +ANDREW, [aside] 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue! + +TOBY, [aside] Peace, I say. + +MALVOLIO To be Count Malvolio. + +TOBY, [aside] Ah, rogue! + +ANDREW, [aside] Pistol him, pistol him! + +TOBY, [aside] Peace, peace! + +MALVOLIO There is example for 't. The lady of the +Strachy married the yeoman of the wardrobe. + +ANDREW, [aside] Fie on him, Jezebel! + +FABIAN, [aside] O, peace, now he's deeply in. Look how +imagination blows him. + +MALVOLIO Having been three months married to her, +sitting in my state-- + +TOBY, [aside] O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye! + +MALVOLIO Calling my officers about me, in my +branched velvet gown, having come from a daybed +where I have left Olivia sleeping-- + +TOBY, [aside] Fire and brimstone! + +FABIAN, [aside] O, peace, peace! + +MALVOLIO And then to have the humor of state; and +after a demure travel of regard, telling them I +know my place, as I would they should do theirs, to +ask for my kinsman Toby-- + +TOBY, [aside] Bolts and shackles! + +FABIAN, [aside] O, peace, peace, peace! Now, now. + +MALVOLIO Seven of my people, with an obedient start, +make out for him. I frown the while, and perchance +wind up my watch, or play with my--some +rich jewel. Toby approaches; curtsies there to me-- + +TOBY, [aside] Shall this fellow live? + +FABIAN, [aside] Though our silence be drawn from us +with cars, yet peace! + +MALVOLIO I extend my hand to him thus, quenching +my familiar smile with an austere regard of +control-- + +TOBY, [aside] And does not Toby take you a blow o' the +lips then? + +MALVOLIO Saying, "Cousin Toby, my fortunes, having +cast me on your niece, give me this prerogative of +speech--" + +TOBY, [aside] What, what? + +MALVOLIO "You must amend your drunkenness." + +TOBY, [aside] Out, scab! + +FABIAN, [aside] Nay, patience, or we break the sinews +of our plot! + +MALVOLIO "Besides, you waste the treasure of your +time with a foolish knight--" + +ANDREW, [aside] That's me, I warrant you. + +MALVOLIO "One Sir Andrew." + +ANDREW, [aside] I knew 'twas I, for many do call me +fool. + +MALVOLIO, [seeing the letter] What employment have +we here? + +FABIAN, [aside] Now is the woodcock near the gin. + +TOBY, [aside] O, peace, and the spirit of humors intimate +reading aloud to him. + +MALVOLIO, [taking up the letter] By my life, this is my +lady's hand! These be her very c's, her u's, and her +t's, and thus she makes her great P's. It is in +contempt of question her hand. + +ANDREW, [aside] Her c's, her u's, and her t's. Why that? + +MALVOLIO [reads] To the unknown beloved, this, and my +good wishes--Her very phrases! By your leave, wax. +Soft. And the impressure her Lucrece, with which +she uses to seal--'tis my lady! [He opens the letter.] +To whom should this be? + +FABIAN, [aside] This wins him, liver and all. + +MALVOLIO [reads] + Jove knows I love, + But who? + Lips, do not move; + No man must know. +"No man must know." What follows? The numbers +altered. "No man must know." If this should be +thee, Malvolio! + +TOBY, [aside] Marry, hang thee, brock! + +MALVOLIO [reads] + I may command where I adore, + But silence, like a Lucrece knife, + With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore; + M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. + +FABIAN, [aside] A fustian riddle! + +TOBY, [aside] Excellent wench, say I. + +MALVOLIO "M.O.A.I. doth sway my life." Nay, but first +let me see, let me see, let me see. + +FABIAN, [aside] What dish o' poison has she dressed +him! + +TOBY, [aside] And with what wing the staniel checks +at it! + +MALVOLIO "I may command where I adore." Why, she +may command me; I serve her; she is my lady. Why, +this is evident to any formal capacity. There is no +obstruction in this. And the end--what should that +alphabetical position portend? If I could make that +resemble something in me! Softly! "M.O.A.I."-- + +TOBY, [aside] O, ay, make up that.--He is now at a cold +scent. + +FABIAN, [aside] Sowter will cry upon 't for all this, +though it be as rank as a fox. + +MALVOLIO "M"--Malvolio. "M"--why, that begins +my name! + +FABIAN, [aside] Did not I say he would work it out? The +cur is excellent at faults. + +MALVOLIO "M." But then there is no consonancy in +the sequel that suffers under probation. "A" should +follow, but "O" does. + +FABIAN, [aside] And "O" shall end, I hope. + +TOBY, [aside] Ay, or I'll cudgel him and make him cry +"O." + +MALVOLIO And then "I" comes behind. + +FABIAN, [aside] Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you +might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes +before you. + +MALVOLIO "M.O.A.I." This simulation is not as the +former, and yet to crush this a little, it would bow +to me, for every one of these letters are in my name. +Soft, here follows prose. +[He reads.] If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my +stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. +Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and +some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy fates open +their hands. Let thy blood and spirit embrace them. +And, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast +thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with +a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue tang +arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of singularity. +She thus advises thee that sighs for thee. +Remember who commended thy yellow stockings and +wished to see thee ever cross-gartered. I say, remember. +Go to, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so. If +not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of +servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. +Farewell. She that would alter services with thee, +The Fortunate-Unhappy. +Daylight and champian discovers not more! This is +open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I +will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, +I will be point-devise the very man. I do not +now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for +every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. +She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she +did praise my leg being cross-gartered, and in this +she manifests herself to my love and, with a kind of +injunction, drives me to these habits of her liking. I +thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout, +in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with +the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be +praised! Here is yet a postscript. +[He reads.] Thou canst not choose but know who I +am. If thou entertain'st my love, let it appear in thy +smiling; thy smiles become thee well. Therefore in my +presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee. +Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything +that thou wilt have me. [He exits.] + +FABIAN I will not give my part of this sport for a +pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy. + +TOBY I could marry this wench for this device. + +ANDREW So could I too. + +TOBY And ask no other dowry with her but such +another jest. + +ANDREW Nor I neither. + +[Enter Maria.] + + +FABIAN Here comes my noble gull-catcher. + +TOBY Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck? + +ANDREW Or o' mine either? + +TOBY Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become +thy bondslave? + +ANDREW I' faith, or I either? + +TOBY Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that +when the image of it leaves him he must run mad. + +MARIA Nay, but say true, does it work upon him? + +TOBY Like aqua vitae with a midwife. + +MARIA If you will then see the fruits of the sport, +mark his first approach before my lady. He will +come to her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a color +she abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests; +and he will smile upon her, which will now +be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted +to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot +but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will +see it, follow me. + +TOBY To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil +of wit! + +ANDREW I'll make one, too. +[They exit.] + + +ACT 3 +===== + +Scene 1 +======= +[Enter Viola and Feste, the Fool, playing a tabor.] + + +VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live +by thy tabor? + +FOOL No, sir, I live by the church. + +VIOLA Art thou a churchman? + +FOOL No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I +do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the +church. + +VIOLA So thou mayst say the king lies by a beggar if a +beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy +tabor if thy tabor stand by the church. + +FOOL You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is +but a chev'ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the +wrong side may be turned outward! + +VIOLA Nay, that's certain. They that dally nicely with +words may quickly make them wanton. + +FOOL I would therefore my sister had had no name, +sir. + +VIOLA Why, man? + +FOOL Why, sir, her name's a word, and to dally with +that word might make my sister wanton. But, +indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgraced +them. + +VIOLA Thy reason, man? + +FOOL Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words, +and words are grown so false I am loath to prove +reason with them. + +VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car'st for +nothing. + +FOOL Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my +conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to +care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you +invisible. + +VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia's Fool? + +FOOL No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She +will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools +are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the +husband's the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but +her corrupter of words. + +VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's. + +FOOL Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the +sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but +the Fool should be as oft with your master as with +my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there. + +VIOLA Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with +thee. Hold, there's expenses for thee. [Giving a +coin.] + +FOOL Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send +thee a beard! + +VIOLA By my troth I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for +one, [aside] though I would not have it grow on my +chin.--Is thy lady within? + +FOOL Would not a pair of these have bred, sir? + +VIOLA Yes, being kept together and put to use. + +FOOL I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to +bring a Cressida to this Troilus. + +VIOLA I understand you, sir. 'Tis well begged. [Giving +another coin.] + +FOOL The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a +beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. +I will conster to them whence you come. Who you +are and what you would are out of my welkin--I +might say "element," but the word is overworn. +[He exits.] + +VIOLA +This fellow is wise enough to play the Fool, +And to do that well craves a kind of wit. +He must observe their mood on whom he jests, +The quality of persons, and the time, +And, like the haggard, check at every feather +That comes before his eye. This is a practice +As full of labor as a wise man's art: +For folly that he wisely shows is fit; +But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit. + +[Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.] + + +TOBY Save you, gentleman. + +VIOLA And you, sir. + +ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur. + +VIOLA Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur! + +ANDREW I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours. + +TOBY Will you encounter the house? My niece is +desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her. + +VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the +list of my voyage. + +TOBY Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion. + +VIOLA My legs do better understand me, sir, than I +understand what you mean by bidding me taste my +legs. + +TOBY I mean, to go, sir, to enter. + +VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance--but +we are prevented. + +[Enter Olivia, and Maria, her Gentlewoman.] + +Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain +odors on you! + +ANDREW, [aside] That youth's a rare courtier. "Rain +odors," well. + +VIOLA My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own +most pregnant and vouchsafed ear. + +ANDREW, [aside] "Odors," "pregnant," and "vouchsafed." +I'll get 'em all three all ready. + +OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to +my hearing. [Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit.] +Give me your hand, sir. + +VIOLA +My duty, madam, and most humble service. + +OLIVIA What is your name? + +VIOLA +Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess. + +OLIVIA +My servant, sir? 'Twas never merry world +Since lowly feigning was called compliment. +You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth. + +VIOLA +And he is yours, and his must needs be yours. +Your servant's servant is your servant, madam. + +OLIVIA +For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts, +Would they were blanks rather than filled with me. + +VIOLA +Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts +On his behalf. + +OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you. +I bade you never speak again of him. +But would you undertake another suit, +I had rather hear you to solicit that +Than music from the spheres. + +VIOLA Dear lady-- + +OLIVIA +Give me leave, beseech you. I did send, +After the last enchantment you did here, +A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse +Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you. +Under your hard construction must I sit, +To force that on you in a shameful cunning +Which you knew none of yours. What might you +think? +Have you not set mine honor at the stake +And baited it with all th' unmuzzled thoughts +That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your +receiving +Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom, +Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak. + +VIOLA +I pity you. + +OLIVIA That's a degree to love. + +VIOLA +No, not a grize, for 'tis a vulgar proof +That very oft we pity enemies. + +OLIVIA +Why then methinks 'tis time to smile again. +O world, how apt the poor are to be proud! +If one should be a prey, how much the better +To fall before the lion than the wolf. [Clock strikes.] +The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. +Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you. +And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest, +Your wife is like to reap a proper man. +There lies your way, due west. + +VIOLA Then westward ho! +Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship. +You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me? + +OLIVIA +Stay. I prithee, tell me what thou think'st of me. + +VIOLA +That you do think you are not what you are. + +OLIVIA +If I think so, I think the same of you. + +VIOLA +Then think you right. I am not what I am. + +OLIVIA +I would you were as I would have you be. + +VIOLA +Would it be better, madam, than I am? +I wish it might, for now I am your fool. + +OLIVIA, [aside] +O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful +In the contempt and anger of his lip! +A murd'rous guilt shows not itself more soon +Than love that would seem hid. Love's night is +noon.-- +Cesario, by the roses of the spring, +By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything, +I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride, +Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. +Do not extort thy reasons from this clause, +For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause; +But rather reason thus with reason fetter: +Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. + +VIOLA +By innocence I swear, and by my youth, +I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth, +And that no woman has, nor never none +Shall mistress be of it, save I alone. +And so adieu, good madam. Nevermore +Will I my master's tears to you deplore. + +OLIVIA +Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move +That heart, which now abhors, to like his love. +[They exit in different directions.] + +Scene 2 +======= +[Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.] + + +ANDREW No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer. + +TOBY Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason. + +FABIAN You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew. + +ANDREW Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the +Count's servingman than ever she bestowed upon +me. I saw 't i' th' orchard. + +TOBY Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me +that. + +ANDREW As plain as I see you now. + +FABIAN This was a great argument of love in her toward +you. + +ANDREW 'Slight, will you make an ass o' me? + +FABIAN I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of +judgment and reason. + +TOBY And they have been grand-jurymen since before +Noah was a sailor. + +FABIAN She did show favor to the youth in your sight +only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse +valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in +your liver. You should then have accosted her, and +with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, +you should have banged the youth into dumbness. +This was looked for at your hand, and this was +balked. The double gilt of this opportunity you let +time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north +of my lady's opinion, where you will hang like an +icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem +it by some laudable attempt either of valor or +policy. + +ANDREW An 't be any way, it must be with valor, for +policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a +politician. + +TOBY Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis +of valor. Challenge me the Count's youth to fight +with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall +take note of it, and assure thyself there is no +love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's +commendation with woman than report of valor. + +FABIAN There is no way but this, Sir Andrew. + +ANDREW Will either of you bear me a challenge to him? + +TOBY Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and +brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent +and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of +ink. If thou "thou"-est him some thrice, it shall not +be amiss, and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of +paper, although the sheet were big enough for the +bed of Ware in England, set 'em down. Go, about it. +Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou +write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it. + +ANDREW Where shall I find you? + +TOBY We'll call thee at the cubiculo. Go. +[Sir Andrew exits.] + +FABIAN This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby. + +TOBY I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand +strong or so. + +FABIAN We shall have a rare letter from him. But you'll +not deliver 't? + +TOBY Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on +the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes +cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were +opened and you find so much blood in his liver as +will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of th' +anatomy. + +FABIAN And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage +no great presage of cruelty. + +[Enter Maria.] + + +TOBY Look where the youngest wren of mine comes. + +MARIA If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves +into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is +turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no +Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly +can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. +He's in yellow stockings. + +TOBY And cross-gartered? + +MARIA Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a +school i' th' church. I have dogged him like his +murderer. He does obey every point of the letter +that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face +into more lines than is in the new map with the +augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such +a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at +him. I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he'll +smile and take 't for a great favor. + +TOBY Come, bring us, bring us where he is. +[They all exit.] + +Scene 3 +======= +[Enter Sebastian and Antonio.] + + +SEBASTIAN +I would not by my will have troubled you, +But, since you make your pleasure of your pains, +I will no further chide you. + +ANTONIO +I could not stay behind you. My desire, +More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth; +And not all love to see you, though so much +As might have drawn one to a longer voyage, +But jealousy what might befall your travel, +Being skill-less in these parts, which to a stranger, +Unguided and unfriended, often prove +Rough and unhospitable. My willing love, +The rather by these arguments of fear, +Set forth in your pursuit. + +SEBASTIAN My kind Antonio, +I can no other answer make but thanks, +And thanks, and ever thanks; and oft good turns +Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay. +But were my worth, as is my conscience, firm, +You should find better dealing. What's to do? +Shall we go see the relics of this town? + +ANTONIO +Tomorrow, sir. Best first go see your lodging. + +SEBASTIAN +I am not weary, and 'tis long to night. +I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes +With the memorials and the things of fame +That do renown this city. + +ANTONIO Would you'd pardon me. +I do not without danger walk these streets. +Once in a sea fight 'gainst the Count his galleys +I did some service, of such note indeed +That were I ta'en here it would scarce be answered. + +SEBASTIAN +Belike you slew great number of his people? + +ANTONIO +Th' offense is not of such a bloody nature, +Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel +Might well have given us bloody argument. +It might have since been answered in repaying +What we took from them, which, for traffic's sake, +Most of our city did. Only myself stood out, +For which, if I be lapsed in this place, +I shall pay dear. + +SEBASTIAN Do not then walk too open. + +ANTONIO +It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse. +[Giving him money.] +In the south suburbs, at the Elephant, +Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet +Whiles you beguile the time and feed your +knowledge +With viewing of the town. There shall you have me. + +SEBASTIAN Why I your purse? + +ANTONIO +Haply your eye shall light upon some toy +You have desire to purchase, and your store, +I think, is not for idle markets, sir. + +SEBASTIAN +I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you +For an hour. + +ANTONIO To th' Elephant. + +SEBASTIAN I do remember. +[They exit in different directions.] + +Scene 4 +======= +[Enter Olivia and Maria.] + + +OLIVIA, [aside] +I have sent after him. He says he'll come. +How shall I feast him? What bestow of him? +For youth is bought more oft than begged or +borrowed. +I speak too loud.-- +Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil +And suits well for a servant with my fortunes. +Where is Malvolio? + +MARIA He's coming, madam, but in very strange manner. +He is sure possessed, madam. + +OLIVIA Why, what's the matter? Does he rave? + +MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your +Ladyship were best to have some guard about you if +he come, for sure the man is tainted in 's wits. + +OLIVIA +Go call him hither. [Maria exits.] I am as mad as he, +If sad and merry madness equal be. + +[Enter Maria with Malvolio.] + +How now, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho! + +OLIVIA Smil'st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad +occasion. + +MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make +some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering, +but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is +with me as the very true sonnet is: "Please one, and +please all." + +OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter +with thee? + +MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my +legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall +be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman +hand. + +OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO To bed? "Ay, sweetheart, and I'll come to +thee." + +OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and +kiss thy hand so oft? + +MARIA How do you, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO At your request? Yes, nightingales answer +daws! + +MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness +before my lady? + +MALVOLIO "Be not afraid of greatness." 'Twas well +writ. + +OLIVIA What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO "Some are born great--" + +OLIVIA Ha? + +MALVOLIO "Some achieve greatness--" + +OLIVIA What sayst thou? + +MALVOLIO "And some have greatness thrust upon +them." + +OLIVIA Heaven restore thee! + +MALVOLIO "Remember who commended thy yellow +stockings--" + +OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings? + +MALVOLIO "And wished to see thee cross-gartered." + +OLIVIA Cross-gartered? + +MALVOLIO "Go to, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be +so--" + +OLIVIA Am I made? + +MALVOLIO "If not, let me see thee a servant still." + +OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness! + +[Enter Servant.] + + +SERVANT Madam, the young gentleman of the Count +Orsino's is returned. I could hardly entreat him +back. He attends your Ladyship's pleasure. + +OLIVIA I'll come to him. [Servant exits.] Good Maria, let +this fellow be looked to. Where's my Cousin Toby? +Let some of my people have a special care of him. I +would not have him miscarry for the half of my +dowry. +[Olivia and Maria exit in different directions.] + +MALVOLIO O ho, do you come near me now? No worse +man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs +directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose +that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites +me to that in the letter: "Cast thy humble slough," +says she. "Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with +servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of +state; put thyself into the trick of singularity," and +consequently sets down the manner how: as, a sad +face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit +of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her, +but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! +And when she went away now, "Let this fellow be +looked to." "Fellow!" Not "Malvolio," nor after my +degree, but "fellow." Why, everything adheres together, +that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a +scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe +circumstance--what can be said? Nothing that can +be can come between me and the full prospect of +my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and +he is to be thanked. + +[Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.] + + +TOBY Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all +the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion +himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him. + +FABIAN Here he is, here he is.--How is 't with you, sir? +How is 't with you, man? + +MALVOLIO Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my +private. Go off. + +MARIA, [to Toby] Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks +within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady +prays you to have a care of him. + +MALVOLIO Aha, does she so? + +TOBY, [to Fabian and Maria] Go to, go to! Peace, peace. +We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.--How +do you, Malvolio? How is 't with you? What, man, +defy the devil! Consider, he's an enemy to mankind. + +MALVOLIO Do you know what you say? + +MARIA, [to Toby] La you, an you speak ill of the devil, +how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not +bewitched! + +FABIAN Carry his water to th' wisewoman. + +MARIA Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning +if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than +I'll say. + +MALVOLIO How now, mistress? + +MARIA O Lord! + +TOBY Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do +you not see you move him? Let me alone with +him. + +FABIAN No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The +fiend is rough and will not be roughly used. + +TOBY, [to Malvolio] Why, how now, my bawcock? How +dost thou, chuck? + +MALVOLIO Sir! + +TOBY Ay, biddy, come with me.--What, man, 'tis not +for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang +him, foul collier! + +MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get +him to pray. + +MALVOLIO My prayers, minx? + +MARIA, [to Toby] No, I warrant you, he will not hear of +godliness. + +MALVOLIO Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow +things. I am not of your element. You shall +know more hereafter. [He exits.] + +TOBY Is 't possible? + +FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could +condemn it as an improbable fiction. + +TOBY His very genius hath taken the infection of the +device, man. + +MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air +and taint. + +FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed. + +MARIA The house will be the quieter. + +TOBY Come, we'll have him in a dark room and +bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's +mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his +penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, +prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we +will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a +finder of madmen. But see, but see! + +[Enter Sir Andrew.] + + +FABIAN More matter for a May morning. + +ANDREW, [presenting a paper] Here's the challenge. +Read it. I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in 't. + +FABIAN Is 't so saucy? + +ANDREW Ay, is 't. I warrant him. Do but read. + +TOBY Give me. [He reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art, +thou art but a scurvy fellow. + +FABIAN Good, and valiant. + +TOBY [reads] Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind +why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason +for 't. + +FABIAN A good note, that keeps you from the blow of +the law. + +TOBY [reads] Thou com'st to the Lady Olivia, and in my +sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat; +that is not the matter I challenge thee for. + +FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less. + +TOBY [reads] I will waylay thee going home, where if it be +thy chance to kill me-- + +FABIAN Good. + +TOBY [reads] Thou kill'st me like a rogue and a villain. + +FABIAN Still you keep o' th' windy side of the law. +Good. + +TOBY [reads] Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon +one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but +my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as +thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, +Andrew Aguecheek. +If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I'll +give 't him. + +MARIA You may have very fit occasion for 't. He is now +in some commerce with my lady and will by and +by depart. + +TOBY Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner +of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever +thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw'st, swear +horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, +with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives +manhood more approbation than ever proof itself +would have earned him. Away! + +ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing. [He exits.] + +TOBY Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior +of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good +capacity and breeding; his employment between +his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore, +this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed +no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a +clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by +word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable +report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know +his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous +opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This +will so fright them both that they will kill one +another by the look, like cockatrices. + +[Enter Olivia and Viola.] + + +FABIAN Here he comes with your niece. Give them +way till he take leave, and presently after him. + +TOBY I will meditate the while upon some horrid +message for a challenge. +[Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.] + +OLIVIA +I have said too much unto a heart of stone +And laid mine honor too unchary on 't. +There's something in me that reproves my fault, +But such a headstrong potent fault it is +That it but mocks reproof. + +VIOLA +With the same 'havior that your passion bears +Goes on my master's griefs. + +OLIVIA +Here, wear this jewel for me. 'Tis my picture. +Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you. +And I beseech you come again tomorrow. +What shall you ask of me that I'll deny, +That honor, saved, may upon asking give? + +VIOLA +Nothing but this: your true love for my master. + +OLIVIA +How with mine honor may I give him that +Which I have given to you? + +VIOLA I will acquit you. + +OLIVIA +Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well. +A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell. +[She exits.] + +[Enter Toby and Fabian.] + + +TOBY Gentleman, God save thee. + +VIOLA And you, sir. + +TOBY That defense thou hast, betake thee to 't. Of what +nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know +not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as +the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount +thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy +assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly. + +VIOLA You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any +quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and +clear from any image of offense done to any man. + +TOBY You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, +if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your +guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth, +strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal. + +VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he? + +TOBY He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and +on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private +brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and +his incensement at this moment is so implacable +that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death +and sepulcher. "Hob, nob" is his word; "give 't or +take 't." + +VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire +some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have +heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely +on others to taste their valor. Belike this is a +man of that quirk. + +TOBY Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very +competent injury. Therefore get you on and give +him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, +unless you undertake that with me which with as +much safety you might answer him. Therefore on, +or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you +must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about +you. + +VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do +me this courteous office, as to know of the knight +what my offense to him is. It is something of my +negligence, nothing of my purpose. + +TOBY I will do so.--Signior Fabian, stay you by this +gentleman till my return. [Toby exits.] + +VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? + +FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you even +to a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance +more. + +VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he? + +FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read +him by his form, as you are like to find him in the +proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful, +bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly +have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk +towards him? I will make your peace with him if I +can. + +VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for 't. I am one +that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight, I +care not who knows so much of my mettle. +[They exit.] + +[Enter Toby and Andrew.] + + +TOBY Why, man, he's a very devil. I have not seen such +a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, +and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such +a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the +answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the +ground they step on. They say he has been fencer +to the Sophy. + +ANDREW Pox on 't! I'll not meddle with him. + +TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can +scarce hold him yonder. + +ANDREW Plague on 't! An I thought he had been +valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him +damned ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let +the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, gray +Capilet. + +TOBY I'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good +show on 't. This shall end without the perdition of +souls. [Aside.] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I +ride you. + +[Enter Fabian and Viola.] + +[Toby crosses to meet them.] +[Aside to Fabian.] I have his horse to take up the +quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth's a devil. + +FABIAN, [aside to Toby] He is as horribly conceited of +him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his +heels. + +TOBY, [to Viola] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight +with you for 's oath sake. Marry, he hath better +bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now +scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for +the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not +hurt you. + +VIOLA Pray God defend me! [Aside.] A little thing +would make me tell them how much I lack of a +man. + +FABIAN Give ground if you see him furious. +[Toby crosses to Andrew.] + +TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy. The +gentleman will, for his honor's sake, have one bout +with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he +has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, +he will not hurt you. Come on, to 't. + +ANDREW, [drawing his sword] Pray God he keep his +oath! + +VIOLA, [drawing her sword] +I do assure you 'tis against my will. + +[Enter Antonio.] + + +ANTONIO, [to Andrew] +Put up your sword. If this young gentleman +Have done offense, I take the fault on me. +If you offend him, I for him defy you. + +TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you? + +ANTONIO, [drawing his sword] +One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more +Than you have heard him brag to you he will. + +TOBY, [drawing his sword] +Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. + +[Enter Officers.] + + +FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers. + +TOBY, [to Antonio] I'll be with you anon. + +VIOLA, [to Andrew] Pray, sir, put your sword up, if +you please. + +ANDREW Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised +you, I'll be as good as my word. He will bear you +easily, and reins well. + +FIRST OFFICER This is the man. Do thy office. + +SECOND OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of +Count Orsino. + +ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir. + +FIRST OFFICER +No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well, +Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.-- +Take him away. He knows I know him well. + +ANTONIO +I must obey. [To Viola.] This comes with seeking +you. +But there's no remedy. I shall answer it. +What will you do, now my necessity +Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me +Much more for what I cannot do for you +Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed, +But be of comfort. + +SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, away. + +ANTONIO, [to Viola] +I must entreat of you some of that money. + +VIOLA What money, sir? +For the fair kindness you have showed me here, +And part being prompted by your present trouble, +Out of my lean and low ability +I'll lend you something. My having is not much. +I'll make division of my present with you. +Hold, there's half my coffer. [Offering him money.] + +ANTONIO Will you deny me now? +Is 't possible that my deserts to you +Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, +Lest that it make me so unsound a man +As to upbraid you with those kindnesses +That I have done for you. + +VIOLA I know of none, +Nor know I you by voice or any feature. +I hate ingratitude more in a man +Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness, +Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption +Inhabits our frail blood-- + +ANTONIO O heavens themselves! + +SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, I pray you go. + +ANTONIO +Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here +I snatched one half out of the jaws of death, +Relieved him with such sanctity of love, +And to his image, which methought did promise +Most venerable worth, did I devotion. + +FIRST OFFICER +What's that to us? The time goes by. Away! + +ANTONIO +But O, how vile an idol proves this god! +Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame. +In nature there's no blemish but the mind; +None can be called deformed but the unkind. +Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil +Are empty trunks o'erflourished by the devil. + +FIRST OFFICER +The man grows mad. Away with him.--Come, +come, sir. + +ANTONIO Lead me on. +[Antonio and Officers exit.] + +VIOLA, [aside] +Methinks his words do from such passion fly +That he believes himself; so do not I. +Prove true, imagination, O, prove true, +That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you! + +TOBY Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We'll +whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws. +[Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.] + +VIOLA, [aside] +He named Sebastian. I my brother know +Yet living in my glass. Even such and so +In favor was my brother, and he went +Still in this fashion, color, ornament, +For him I imitate. O, if it prove, +Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! +[She exits.] + +TOBY A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward +than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his +friend here in necessity and denying him; and for +his cowardship, ask Fabian. + +FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious +in it. + +ANDREW 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him. + +TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy +sword. + +ANDREW An I do not-- + +FABIAN Come, let's see the event. + +TOBY I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet. +[They exit.] + + +ACT 4 +===== + +Scene 1 +======= +[Enter Sebastian and Feste, the Fool.] + + +FOOL Will you make me believe that I am not sent for +you? + +SEBASTIAN Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let +me be clear of thee. + +FOOL Well held out, i' faith. No, I do not know you, nor +I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come +speak with her, nor your name is not Master +Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing +that is so is so. + +SEBASTIAN I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else. +Thou know'st not me. + +FOOL Vent my folly? He has heard that word of some +great man and now applies it to a Fool. Vent my +folly? I am afraid this great lubber the world will +prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness +and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I +vent to her that thou art coming? + +SEBASTIAN I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me. +There's money for thee. [Giving money.] If you +tarry longer, I shall give worse payment. + +FOOL By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise +men that give Fools money get themselves a good +report--after fourteen years' purchase. + +[Enter Andrew, Toby, and Fabian.] + + +ANDREW, [to Sebastian] Now, sir, have I met you again? +There's for you. [He strikes Sebastian.] + +SEBASTIAN, [returning the blow] Why, there's for thee, +and there, and there.--Are all the people mad? + +TOBY Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the +house. + +FOOL, [aside] This will I tell my lady straight. I would +not be in some of your coats for twopence. +[He exits.] + +TOBY, [seizing Sebastian] Come on, sir, hold! + +ANDREW Nay, let him alone. I'll go another way to +work with him. I'll have an action of battery against +him, if there be any law in Illyria. Though I struck +him first, yet it's no matter for that. + +SEBASTIAN, [to Toby] Let go thy hand! + +TOBY Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young +soldier, put up your iron. You are well fleshed. +Come on. + +SEBASTIAN +I will be free from thee. +[He pulls free and draws his sword.] +What wouldst thou now? +If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. + +TOBY What, what? Nay, then, I must have an ounce or +two of this malapert blood from you. +[He draws his sword.] + +[Enter Olivia.] + + +OLIVIA +Hold, Toby! On thy life I charge thee, hold! + +TOBY Madam. + +OLIVIA +Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, +Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, +Where manners ne'er were preached! Out of my +sight!-- +Be not offended, dear Cesario.-- +Rudesby, begone! [Toby, Andrew, and Fabian exit.] +I prithee, gentle friend, +Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway +In this uncivil and unjust extent +Against thy peace. Go with me to my house, +And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks +This ruffian hath botched up, that thou thereby +Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go. +Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me! +He started one poor heart of mine, in thee. + +SEBASTIAN, [aside] +What relish is in this? How runs the stream? +Or I am mad, or else this is a dream. +Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep; +If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep! + +OLIVIA +Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou 'dst be ruled by +me! + +SEBASTIAN +Madam, I will. + +OLIVIA O, say so, and so be! +[They exit.] + +Scene 2 +======= +[Enter Maria and Feste, the Fool.] + + +MARIA Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; +make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do +it quickly. I'll call Sir Toby the whilst. [She exits.] + +FOOL Well, I'll put it on and I will dissemble myself in +'t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled +in such a gown. [He puts on gown and beard.] I am +not tall enough to become the function well, nor +lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be +said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as +fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. +The competitors enter. + +[Enter Toby and Maria.] + + +TOBY Jove bless thee, Master Parson. + +FOOL Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for, as the old hermit of +Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said +to a niece of King Gorboduc "That that is, is," so I, +being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is +"that" but "that" and "is" but "is"? + +TOBY To him, Sir Topas. + +FOOL, [disguising his voice] What ho, I say! Peace in this +prison! + +TOBY The knave counterfeits well. A good knave. + +[Malvolio within.] + + +MALVOLIO Who calls there? + +FOOL Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio +the lunatic. + +MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to +my lady-- + +FOOL Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this +man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies? + +TOBY, [aside] Well said, Master Parson. + +MALVOLIO Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. +Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have +laid me here in hideous darkness-- + +FOOL Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most +modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones +that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayst +thou that house is dark? + +MALVOLIO As hell, Sir Topas. + +FOOL Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, +and the clerestories toward the south-north +are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest +thou of obstruction? + +MALVOLIO I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this +house is dark. + +FOOL Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness +but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than +the Egyptians in their fog. + +MALVOLIO I say this house is as dark as ignorance, +though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say +there was never man thus abused. I am no more +mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any +constant question. + +FOOL What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning +wildfowl? + +MALVOLIO That the soul of our grandam might haply +inhabit a bird. + +FOOL What thinkst thou of his opinion? + +MALVOLIO I think nobly of the soul, and no way +approve his opinion. + +FOOL Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. +Thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras ere I will +allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest +thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee +well. + +MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas! + +TOBY My most exquisite Sir Topas! + +FOOL Nay, I am for all waters. + +MARIA Thou mightst have done this without thy beard +and gown. He sees thee not. + +TOBY To him in thine own voice, and bring me word +how thou find'st him. I would we were well rid +of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, +I would he were, for I am now so far in +offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with +any safety this sport the upshot. Come by and by +to my chamber. +[Toby and Maria exit.] + +FOOL [sings, in his own voice] +Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, +Tell me how thy lady does. + +MALVOLIO Fool! + +FOOL [sings] +My lady is unkind, perdy. + +MALVOLIO Fool! + +FOOL [sings] +Alas, why is she so? + +MALVOLIO Fool, I say! + +FOOL [sings] +She loves another-- +Who calls, ha? + +MALVOLIO Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at +my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and +paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful +to thee for 't. + +FOOL Master Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO Ay, good Fool. + +FOOL Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? + +MALVOLIO Fool, there was never man so notoriously +abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art. + +FOOL But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be +no better in your wits than a Fool. + +MALVOLIO They have here propertied me, keep me in +darkness, send ministers to me--asses!--and do +all they can to face me out of my wits. + +FOOL Advise you what you say. The minister is here. +[In the voice of Sir Topas.] Malvolio, Malvolio, thy +wits the heavens restore. Endeavor thyself to sleep +and leave thy vain bibble-babble. + +MALVOLIO Sir Topas! + +FOOL, [as Sir Topas] Maintain no words with him, good +fellow. [As Fool.] Who, I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy +you, good Sir Topas. [As Sir Topas.] Marry, amen. +[As Fool.] I will, sir, I will. + +MALVOLIO Fool! Fool! Fool, I say! + +FOOL Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am +shent for speaking to you. + +MALVOLIO Good Fool, help me to some light and some +paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any +man in Illyria. + +FOOL Welladay that you were, sir! + +MALVOLIO By this hand, I am. Good Fool, some ink, +paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to +my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the +bearing of letter did. + +FOOL I will help you to 't. But tell me true, are you not +mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit? + +MALVOLIO Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true. + +FOOL Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his +brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink. + +MALVOLIO Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree. I +prithee, begone. + +FOOL [sings] + I am gone, sir, and anon, sir, + I'll be with you again, + In a trice, like to the old Vice, + Your need to sustain. + Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, + Cries "aha!" to the devil; + Like a mad lad, "Pare thy nails, dad! + Adieu, goodman devil." +[He exits.] + +Scene 3 +======= +[Enter Sebastian.] + + +SEBASTIAN +This is the air; that is the glorious sun. +This pearl she gave me, I do feel 't and see 't. +And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, +Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then? +I could not find him at the Elephant. +Yet there he was; and there I found this credit, +That he did range the town to seek me out. +His counsel now might do me golden service. +For though my soul disputes well with my sense +That this may be some error, but no madness, +Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune +So far exceed all instance, all discourse, +That I am ready to distrust mine eyes +And wrangle with my reason that persuades me +To any other trust but that I am mad-- +Or else the lady's mad. Yet if 'twere so, +She could not sway her house, command her +followers, +Take and give back affairs and their dispatch +With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing +As I perceive she does. There's something in 't +That is deceivable. But here the lady comes. + +[Enter Olivia, and a Priest.] + + +OLIVIA, [to Sebastian] +Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well, +Now go with me and with this holy man +Into the chantry by. There, before him +And underneath that consecrated roof, +Plight me the full assurance of your faith, +That my most jealous and too doubtful soul +May live at peace. He shall conceal it +Whiles you are willing it shall come to note, +What time we will our celebration keep +According to my birth. What do you say? + +SEBASTIAN +I'll follow this good man and go with you, +And, having sworn truth, ever will be true. + +OLIVIA +Then lead the way, good father, and heavens so +shine +That they may fairly note this act of mine. +[They exit.] + + +ACT 5 +===== + +Scene 1 +======= +[Enter Feste, the Fool and Fabian.] + + +FABIAN Now, as thou lov'st me, let me see his letter. + +FOOL Good Master Fabian, grant me another request. + +FABIAN Anything. + +FOOL Do not desire to see this letter. + +FABIAN This is to give a dog and in recompense desire +my dog again. + +[Enter Orsino, Viola, Curio, and Lords.] + + +ORSINO +Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends? + +FOOL Ay, sir, we are some of her trappings. + +ORSINO +I know thee well. How dost thou, my good fellow? + +FOOL Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse +for my friends. + +ORSINO +Just the contrary: the better for thy friends. + +FOOL No, sir, the worse. + +ORSINO How can that be? + +FOOL Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me. +Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by +my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and +by my friends I am abused. So that, conclusions to +be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two +affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends and +the better for my foes. + +ORSINO Why, this is excellent. + +FOOL By my troth, sir, no--though it please you to be +one of my friends. + +ORSINO, [giving a coin] +Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold. + +FOOL But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would +you could make it another. + +ORSINO O, you give me ill counsel. + +FOOL Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, +and let your flesh and blood obey it. + +ORSINO Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a +double-dealer: there's another. [He gives a coin.] + +FOOL Primo, secundo, tertio is a good play, and the old +saying is, the third pays for all. The triplex, sir, is a +good tripping measure, or the bells of Saint Bennet, +sir, may put you in mind--one, two, three. + +ORSINO You can fool no more money out of me at this +throw. If you will let your lady know I am here to +speak with her, and bring her along with you, it +may awake my bounty further. + +FOOL Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come +again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think +that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness. +But, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap. I +will awake it anon. [He exits.] + +[Enter Antonio and Officers.] + + +VIOLA +Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. + +ORSINO +That face of his I do remember well. +Yet when I saw it last, it was besmeared +As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war. +A baubling vessel was he captain of, +For shallow draught and bulk unprizable, +With which such scatheful grapple did he make +With the most noble bottom of our fleet +That very envy and the tongue of loss +Cried fame and honor on him.--What's the matter? + +FIRST OFFICER +Orsino, this is that Antonio +That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy, +And this is he that did the Tiger board +When your young nephew Titus lost his leg. +Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state, +In private brabble did we apprehend him. + +VIOLA +He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side, +But in conclusion put strange speech upon me. +I know not what 'twas but distraction. + +ORSINO +Notable pirate, thou saltwater thief, +What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies +Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear, +Hast made thine enemies? + +ANTONIO Orsino, noble sir, +Be pleased that I shake off these names you give +me. +Antonio never yet was thief or pirate, +Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, +Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither. +That most ingrateful boy there by your side +From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth +Did I redeem; a wrack past hope he was. +His life I gave him and did thereto add +My love, without retention or restraint, +All his in dedication. For his sake +Did I expose myself, pure for his love, +Into the danger of this adverse town; +Drew to defend him when he was beset; +Where, being apprehended, his false cunning +(Not meaning to partake with me in danger) +Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance +And grew a twenty years' removed thing +While one would wink; denied me mine own purse, +Which I had recommended to his use +Not half an hour before. + +VIOLA How can this be? + +ORSINO, [to Antonio] When came he to this town? + +ANTONIO +Today, my lord; and for three months before, +No int'rim, not a minute's vacancy, +Both day and night did we keep company. + +[Enter Olivia and Attendants.] + + +ORSINO +Here comes the Countess. Now heaven walks on +Earth!-- +But for thee, fellow: fellow, thy words are madness. +Three months this youth hath tended upon me-- +But more of that anon. [To an Officer.] Take him +aside. + +OLIVIA +What would my lord, but that he may not have, +Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?-- +Cesario, you do not keep promise with me. + +VIOLA Madam? + +ORSINO Gracious Olivia-- + +OLIVIA +What do you say, Cesario?--Good my lord-- + +VIOLA +My lord would speak; my duty hushes me. + +OLIVIA +If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, +It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear +As howling after music. + +ORSINO +Still so cruel? + +OLIVIA Still so constant, lord. + +ORSINO +What, to perverseness? You, uncivil lady, +To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars +My soul the faithful'st off'rings have breathed out +That e'er devotion tendered--what shall I do? + +OLIVIA +Even what it please my lord that shall become him. + +ORSINO +Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, +Like to th' Egyptian thief at point of death, +Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy +That sometime savors nobly. But hear me this: +Since you to nonregardance cast my faith, +And that I partly know the instrument +That screws me from my true place in your favor, +Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still. +But this your minion, whom I know you love, +And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, +Him will I tear out of that cruel eye +Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.-- +Come, boy, with me. My thoughts are ripe in +mischief. +I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love +To spite a raven's heart within a dove. + +VIOLA +And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly, +To do you rest a thousand deaths would die. + +OLIVIA +Where goes Cesario? + +VIOLA After him I love +More than I love these eyes, more than my life, +More by all mores than e'er I shall love wife. +If I do feign, you witnesses above, +Punish my life for tainting of my love. + +OLIVIA +Ay me, detested! How am I beguiled! + +VIOLA +Who does beguile you? Who does do you wrong? + +OLIVIA +Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?-- +Call forth the holy father. [An Attendant exits.] + +ORSINO, [to Viola] Come, away! + +OLIVIA +Whither, my lord?--Cesario, husband, stay. + +ORSINO +Husband? + +OLIVIA Ay, husband. Can he that deny? + +ORSINO +Her husband, sirrah? + +VIOLA No, my lord, not I. + +OLIVIA +Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear +That makes thee strangle thy propriety. +Fear not, Cesario. Take thy fortunes up. +Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art +As great as that thou fear'st. + +[Enter Priest.] + +O, welcome, father. +Father, I charge thee by thy reverence +Here to unfold (though lately we intended +To keep in darkness what occasion now +Reveals before 'tis ripe) what thou dost know +Hath newly passed between this youth and me. + +PRIEST +A contract of eternal bond of love, +Confirmed by mutual joinder of your hands, +Attested by the holy close of lips, +Strengthened by interchangement of your rings, +And all the ceremony of this compact +Sealed in my function, by my testimony; +Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my +grave +I have traveled but two hours. + +ORSINO, [to Viola] +O thou dissembling cub! What wilt thou be +When time hath sowed a grizzle on thy case? +Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow +That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? +Farewell, and take her, but direct thy feet +Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. + +VIOLA +My lord, I do protest-- + +OLIVIA O, do not swear. +Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear. + +[Enter Sir Andrew.] + + +ANDREW For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one +presently to Sir Toby. + +OLIVIA What's the matter? + +ANDREW Has broke my head across, and has given Sir +Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God, +your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at +home. + +OLIVIA Who has done this, Sir Andrew? + +ANDREW The Count's gentleman, one Cesario. We took +him for a coward, but he's the very devil +incardinate. + +ORSINO My gentleman Cesario? + +ANDREW 'Od's lifelings, here he is!--You broke my +head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to +do 't by Sir Toby. + +VIOLA +Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you. +You drew your sword upon me without cause, +But I bespake you fair and hurt you not. + +ANDREW If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt +me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb. + +[Enter Toby and Feste, the Fool.] + +Here comes Sir Toby halting. You shall hear +more. But if he had not been in drink, he would +have tickled you othergates than he did. + +ORSINO How now, gentleman? How is 't with you? + +TOBY That's all one. Has hurt me, and there's th' end +on 't. [To Fool.] Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot? + +FOOL O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes +were set at eight i' th' morning. + +TOBY Then he's a rogue and a passy-measures pavin. I +hate a drunken rogue. + +OLIVIA Away with him! Who hath made this havoc +with them? + +ANDREW I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be +dressed together. + +TOBY Will you help?--an ass-head, and a coxcomb, +and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull? + +OLIVIA +Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to. +[Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.] + +[Enter Sebastian.] + + +SEBASTIAN +I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman, +But, had it been the brother of my blood, +I must have done no less with wit and safety. +You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that +I do perceive it hath offended you. +Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows +We made each other but so late ago. + +ORSINO +One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! +A natural perspective, that is and is not! + +SEBASTIAN +Antonio, O, my dear Antonio! +How have the hours racked and tortured me +Since I have lost thee! + +ANTONIO +Sebastian are you? + +SEBASTIAN Fear'st thou that, Antonio? + +ANTONIO +How have you made division of yourself? +An apple cleft in two is not more twin +Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? + +OLIVIA Most wonderful! + +SEBASTIAN, [looking at Viola] +Do I stand there? I never had a brother, +Nor can there be that deity in my nature +Of here and everywhere. I had a sister +Whom the blind waves and surges have devoured. +Of charity, what kin are you to me? +What countryman? What name? What parentage? + +VIOLA +Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father. +Such a Sebastian was my brother too. +So went he suited to his watery tomb. +If spirits can assume both form and suit, +You come to fright us. + +SEBASTIAN A spirit I am indeed, +But am in that dimension grossly clad +Which from the womb I did participate. +Were you a woman, as the rest goes even, +I should my tears let fall upon your cheek +And say "Thrice welcome, drowned Viola." + +VIOLA +My father had a mole upon his brow. + +SEBASTIAN And so had mine. + +VIOLA +And died that day when Viola from her birth +Had numbered thirteen years. + +SEBASTIAN +O, that record is lively in my soul! +He finished indeed his mortal act +That day that made my sister thirteen years. + +VIOLA +If nothing lets to make us happy both +But this my masculine usurped attire, +Do not embrace me till each circumstance +Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump +That I am Viola; which to confirm, +I'll bring you to a captain in this town, +Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help +I was preserved to serve this noble count. +All the occurrence of my fortune since +Hath been between this lady and this lord. + +SEBASTIAN, [to Olivia] +So comes it, lady, you have been mistook. +But nature to her bias drew in that. +You would have been contracted to a maid. +Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived: +You are betrothed both to a maid and man. + +ORSINO, [to Olivia] +Be not amazed; right noble is his blood. +If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, +I shall have share in this most happy wrack.-- +Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times +Thou never shouldst love woman like to me. + +VIOLA +And all those sayings will I overswear, +And all those swearings keep as true in soul +As doth that orbed continent the fire +That severs day from night. + +ORSINO Give me thy hand, +And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds. + +VIOLA +The Captain that did bring me first on shore +Hath my maid's garments. He, upon some action, +Is now in durance at Malvolio's suit, +A gentleman and follower of my lady's. + +OLIVIA +He shall enlarge him. + +[Enter Feste, the Fool with a letter, and Fabian.] + +Fetch Malvolio hither. +And yet, alas, now I remember me, +They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract. +A most extracting frenzy of mine own +From my remembrance clearly banished his. +[To the Fool.] How does he, sirrah? + +FOOL Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub at the stave's +end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here +writ a letter to you. I should have given 't you today +morning. But as a madman's epistles are no gospels, +so it skills not much when they are delivered. + +OLIVIA Open 't and read it. + +FOOL Look then to be well edified, when the Fool +delivers the madman. [He reads.] By the Lord, +madam-- + +OLIVIA How now, art thou mad? + +FOOL No, madam, I do but read madness. An your +Ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must +allow vox. + +OLIVIA Prithee, read i' thy right wits. + +FOOL So I do, madonna. But to read his right wits is to +read thus. Therefore, perpend, my princess, and +give ear. + +OLIVIA, [giving letter to Fabian] Read it you, sirrah. + +FABIAN [(reads)] By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and +the world shall know it. Though you have put me into +darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over +me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your +Ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to +the semblance I put on, with the which I doubt not but +to do myself much right or you much shame. Think of +me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of +and speak out of my injury. +The madly used Malvolio. + +OLIVIA Did he write this? + +FOOL Ay, madam. + +ORSINO +This savors not much of distraction. + +OLIVIA +See him delivered, Fabian. Bring him hither. +[Fabian exits.] +[To Orsino.] My lord, so please you, these things +further thought on, +To think me as well a sister as a wife, +One day shall crown th' alliance on 't, so please +you, +Here at my house, and at my proper cost. + +ORSINO +Madam, I am most apt t' embrace your offer. +[To Viola.] Your master quits you; and for your +service done him, +So much against the mettle of your sex, +So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, +And since you called me "master" for so long, +Here is my hand. You shall from this time be +Your master's mistress. + +OLIVIA, [to Viola] A sister! You are she. + +[Enter Malvolio and Fabian.] + + +ORSINO +Is this the madman? + +OLIVIA Ay, my lord, this same.-- +How now, Malvolio? + +MALVOLIO Madam, you have done me +wrong, +Notorious wrong. + +OLIVIA Have I, Malvolio? No. + +MALVOLIO, [handing her a paper] +Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter. +You must not now deny it is your hand. +Write from it if you can, in hand or phrase, +Or say 'tis not your seal, not your invention. +You can say none of this. Well, grant it then, +And tell me, in the modesty of honor, +Why you have given me such clear lights of favor? +Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you, +To put on yellow stockings, and to frown +Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people? +And, acting this in an obedient hope, +Why have you suffered me to be imprisoned, +Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, +And made the most notorious geck and gull +That e'er invention played on? Tell me why. + +OLIVIA +Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing, +Though I confess much like the character. +But out of question, 'tis Maria's hand. +And now I do bethink me, it was she +First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling, +And in such forms which here were presupposed +Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content. +This practice hath most shrewdly passed upon thee. +But when we know the grounds and authors of it, +Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge +Of thine own cause. + +FABIAN Good madam, hear me speak, +And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come +Taint the condition of this present hour, +Which I have wondered at. In hope it shall not, +Most freely I confess, myself and Toby +Set this device against Malvolio here, +Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts +We had conceived against him. Maria writ +The letter at Sir Toby's great importance, +In recompense whereof he hath married her. +How with a sportful malice it was followed +May rather pluck on laughter than revenge, +If that the injuries be justly weighed +That have on both sides passed. + +OLIVIA, [to Malvolio] +Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee! + +FOOL Why, "some are born great, some achieve greatness, +and some have greatness thrown upon them." +I was one, sir, in this interlude, one Sir Topas, sir, +but that's all one. "By the Lord, Fool, I am not +mad"--but, do you remember "Madam, why laugh +you at such a barren rascal; an you smile not, he's +gagged"? And thus the whirligig of time brings in +his revenges. + +MALVOLIO +I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you! [He exits.] + +OLIVIA +He hath been most notoriously abused. + +ORSINO +Pursue him and entreat him to a peace. [Some exit.] +He hath not told us of the Captain yet. +When that is known, and golden time convents, +A solemn combination shall be made +Of our dear souls.--Meantime, sweet sister, +We will not part from hence.--Cesario, come, +For so you shall be while you are a man. +But when in other habits you are seen, +Orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen. +[All but the Fool exit.] + +FOOL [sings] + When that I was and a little tiny boy, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + A foolish thing was but a toy, + For the rain it raineth every day. + + But when I came to man's estate, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + 'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, + For the rain it raineth every day. + + But when I came, alas, to wive, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + By swaggering could I never thrive, + For the rain it raineth every day. + + But when I came unto my beds, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + With tosspots still had drunken heads, + For the rain it raineth every day. + + A great while ago the world begun, + With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, + But that's all one, our play is done, + And we'll strive to please you every day. +[He exits.] \ No newline at end of file